Reverie and then a sudden change of light.

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It’s quite an unusual feeling when your sitting blissfully in a state of reverie and suddenly something just changes.

Reverie is transient and so bittersweet.

I keep noticing far to much lately the irksome moments that pull me from my state of reverie. I will be sitting in class, just mindlessly learning and then a change of light happens.

The mood will change. The room will feel darker and less idyllic. Just because of a sudden change in light.

Just because the blinds have moved slightly because of the wind, or a clouds covered the sun.

Nobody says anything or acts differently.

The light has just change and the calming moods just gone.

Everything feels wrong and disorderly.

The light from outside will cast shadows on someones face or a surface differently. It makes me feel uncomfortable because I felt so relaxed previously.

I’m deceived into thinking its a change in person or moment. It isn’t …it’s just how the light has changed.

I am left wondering and anticipating if the moment will change. Does anyone else notice the change of mood. Will it effect others as much as it is effecting me?

Will anything happen differently than it would of happened seconds before the light changed?

 

Has anyone ever felt anything like this?

It’s weird to think something as small as a change in light can effect my brain so much. 😀  ❤

I honestly have no idea what this is. A thought?  A rambling feeling?  A story?

I don’t know but I wrote something because what else have I to do right now.

 

 

 

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I’m not trying to make blogging difficult…or am I?

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I have yet again abandoned the blogging world. Oops!

I have so many excuses. You do want to hear them don’t you?. Of course you don’t but I’m going to say them anyways. 🙂

My biggest excuse I have for not writing or blogging at all is time. I seem to never have any time when I am actual motivated to write about something. It’s as if the world is trying to give me a hint …well more than a hint, more a massive push to tell me to not bother writing. I am always either to busy to write because I’m to busy freaking out about school and all the other typical teenager problems like what on earth will I do now that my concealers run out! I can’t possibly do anything with my terrible skin. So I then waste even more time complaining about tiny non-important problems and feeling sorry for myself. (Yes I am quite the extraordinary drama queen.)

My laptop also seems to hate me. It’s  as if from the day I bought it. The laptop itself has decided to have its own vendetta against me because it must of heard story’s about my past laptops and their tragic ends. (I dropped one down the stairs…oops!) . My nickname is clumsy Kate for a reason. My laptop just never wants to turn on or function like it should. It is constantly in battle against me and freezes, shuts down, over heats (even though it’s been on five minutes) every time I need to use it for blogging or mainly school work. I know I can blog from app or tablet etc.but it just isn’t the same. I love blogging on a laptop. I seem to write more and get less frustrated using a laptop. MY LAPTOP JUST SHUT DOWN….right now, as I’m writing this. I guess It truly does hold a grudge against me.

I also have decided to not blog because I feel extremely guilty 😦 that I haven’t had the time or effort to read other peoples blogs. I adore so many bloggers on here and their posts but I just have lost the feeling that made me read blogs. It’s like writers block but backward. I have readers block?. I still love when I do read blogs. I still laugh and cry and get spun out in a deep web of thought when I read blogs but it has become so rare because of myself. I want to blog more when I read more. After all, the main reason I wanted to blog is to get to know other people who love to write too. So I think once my motivation to read blogs comes back I will possibly write more too. I am sorry I have abandoned the blogs I used to comment and read daily!.

As I have just said I have readers block…..I also have writers block. I just have no inspiration or motivation to write anything. I don’t even diary anymore. I can’t be bothered to explain in detail and when I do it is nowhere near creative and I hate reading it myself. I just lost my longing to want to blog. Well….It is still their but I just don’t enjoy anything I write anymore. Even looking back at old posts and stuff I have written  it just makes cringe. I get angry at myself far to easily because I do know I’m not a amazing write. I don’t write well. I don’t write aesthetically. I don’t compel a reader to keep reading…but I still want to write. I just want to write better but I just don’t have that natural nack for it.

But hey! The biggest thing I notice about all my excuses is they are my own fault. It’s like I try to make life difficult for myself then complain about it. I do it so naturally it’s weird. I am aware I do it but I know their is other influences that are effecting the problems so I still blame it on those…. but I blame it on me too :’)

To fix my problems above I can what?….Manage my time better and write even when unmotivated. Write on the app? Skip my T.V time and read blogs? Write more until I get better at writing?…….I know I can do these things but I don’t. So does this mean I don’t want to or do I just want to self sabotage?.

I really am I hypocritical, conflicted contradiction.

Is anyone else like this?

Comment below if you do see this so I know some people are still out their…and maybe I might actually stop being a silly bean and start reading more peoples blogs. 😀

Also can anyone recommend good blogs? Teen bloggers? Story time blogs? 😀